My Little Red Christmas
by Herio9071
Summary: It's the holiday season! And Kreese Kreeley and Howard "Buckshot" Holmes have a American Classic to tell! Sit back, relax, and prepare for the delightful children's story that captivated a generation. Warning: Don't let kids read this.


**Note:** So, I got this crazy idea and I've decided to share it with the world. Now, before I start, it would enhance your reading experience if you go to Youtube and watch the video "MadWorld Announcer Compilation". If you decided against this, just know that Kreese Kreeley is voiced by John DiMaggio and Howard "Buckshot" Holmes is voiced by Greg Proops. Knowing these will enhance your reading experience. Thank you, and enjoy.

Also, just as a note, I do not share the opinions stated in this. This is purely for entertainment and I'm not as sick of a person as these two. Thank you, and have a happy holiday.

**Desclaimer:** MadWorld is owned by Sega. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Lauren Faust and Hasbro.

"Hello, children of the world! My name is Kreese Kreeley!"

"And I'm Howard "Buckshot" Holmes!"

"And we're here to share with you a great American Christmas Story entitled "My Little Red Christmas". This here is a great American Classic."

"I thought we were reading, "How the Grinch Murdered all of Whoville"?"

"No. This won the coin toss, so we're going to be reading this instead."

"Ah, bummer. Maybe next Christmas."

"Anyways, let's get straight to it, since we don't have a whole lot of airtime."

"Airtime? We're on , it's more of space time. Which doesn't exist since this is the Internet."

"STOP BREAKING THE FORTH WALL, HOWARD!"

"Okay, fine."

"Alright. Now, let us begin.

Ahem. Once upon a time, there was a land called Equestria. In Equestria lived many ponies. Happy, little ponies who ran on pretty rainbows and friendship. And, in Equestria, it was Christmas time! And in the town of Ponyville they had just finished setting up a Christmas tree!"

"What if some of the ponies were Jewish?"

"Then they set up a Hanukkah tree. This isn't that complicated, Howard."

"You're no fun."

"Anyways, the ponies just got done setting up their various Holiday trees (so we don't offend anyone by forgetting about their stupid ass holiday) and were now putting presents under them. Under the biggest tree, there was the biggest present, which had black and white wrapping paper and a pretty red bow."

"Oh, I love this part."

"One of the ponies wondered over to it and went 'Gee. I wonder what is in this one?'. The other curious ponies came over and decided that it was a good idea to open the present, even though it wasn't Christmas yet. So, the main six ponies,"

"You mean, mane six."

"Howard, I am going to stab you."

"Oh Kreese, you're no fun. I'm going to have to break out the scotch to survive this."

"ANYways, the 'mane' six ponies came over and started to unwrap the present. As they unwrapped it, they started to hear the low hum of an engine. Slowly, the hum started to become a rev. Once there was no more wrapping paper, they heard the rev of a chainsaw, as Jack came barreling out of the present and ran over several ponies and decapitated Pinkie Pie!"

"I never understood why Pinkie Pie had to be the first to die."

"Something to do with annoying the fandom."

"I figured this whole thing would annoy the fandom."

"Eh, I'm not the writer. I'm just the reader."

"I thought you couldn't read, Kreese."

"It's been 3 years, I learned to read at a first grade level."

"Fair enough."

"Back to the story,

Jack just murdered a bunch of ponies. He spun around and smacked Fluttershy with his motorcycle, sending her flying to one of the trees that killed her on impact. Then, Jack chased down some more ponies, going after Applejack, who he ran over. Her hat flew up and landed perfectly on Jack's head, so now he looked even cooler then he already did."

"Wow. And that's hard to do."

"I know, right?

So, Jack now gunned after Rarity, who was running away in vain, as Jack was on a motorcycle, which ran on baby seal fat. Jack caught up with Rarity and cut her right down the middle with his arm-mounted chainsaw. Twilight Sparkle, who was outraged by all of this, started shooting laser beams at Jack. But, because Jack was a badass and had magic repellent on hand, he…"

"Wait. Magic repellent? Is that really what he was using?"

"No, but the other name was too offensive to use."

"We are murdering ponies here. Do we really care about being 'offensive'?"

"Yes. It's still a kids story."

"Ugh. Hand me the scotch."

"So, Jack managed to repel all of Twilight Sparkle's attacks and charged forward, grabbing her by the head. He then started to smash her on the ground, back and forth, back and forth, until her blood was everywhere. He then slammed her back on the ground and tore her head off."

"Grisly."

"Now, that just left one more pony; Rainbow Dash."

"What happened to the rest of Equestria?"

"I dunno. I guess he just murdered them all off screen or something."

"Fair enough."

"So, Jack turned to find Rainbow Dash racing to reach Princess Celestia's castle. However, Jack gave chase on his motorcycle."

"Oh, can I tell this part! I love this part!"

"Sure, why not, Howard."

"Okay, so Rainbow Dash used her Sonic Rainboom to speed up and…"

"Wait, you know the names of their moves?"

"Well, yeah. I love this show. And I love to clop to it."

"I'm not surprised, you sick, sick man."

"So, Rainbow Dash was moving at high speeds. But Jack managed to speed up and ramp himself off of a ramp comprised of dead pony corpses."

"Dude, that's pretty metal."

"As Jack flew high, he revved his chainsaw and sliced right though Rainbow Dash, cutting her legs from the rest of her body. The upper portion of her body slammed into the side of Princess Celestia's castle."

"Not bad. I'll give it a 4 out of 5."

"That is my favorite part."

"So, I'm going to take the story from here, as I don't trust Howard with the rest of the story."

"Clop, clop."

"Ugh, Howard…

ANYWAYS! Jack tore through the wall of Princess Celesita's castle and landed right in the throne room. Princess Celesita was staring down Jack. Jack just lit a cigarette and prepared for his showdown with the great queen of Equestria. She pulled out a giant battle axe,"

"From her tits!"

"No."

"From her vag!"

"No, Howard."

"From her ass!"

"SHE HAMMER SPACED THE AXE, STOP GUESSING!

AHEM! ANYWAYS! Jack charged her with his motorcycle. But, she swung and destroyed the front of the motorcycle, launching Jack into the air! Jack came crashing down with his chainsaw out, but was parried by Princess Celesita. However, because this was a power struggle and Jack waggled the Wiimote a lot, he won and grabbed the axe, cutting off one of Princess Celesita's right wing. He then slid under her and cut off the left wing. Finally, Jack spun and wedged the axe into Princess Celesita's head!"

"Oh, the finisher!"

"No, not yet Howard.

You see, Jack then got behind Princess Celesita,"

"And he fucked her!?"

"NO! He revved his chainsaw and slammed it right up her ass, tearing her insides to shreads and turning her into a giant pony hand puppet!"

"Pony Sodomy! Nothing better!"

"Remember, kids! Sodomizing a pony with a chainsaw is A-O-K!"

"Just like incest!"

"Damn straight, Howard. And now, with Jack's conquest of Equestria completed, he lit another cigarette atop a throne comprised of the corpses of the dead ponies. He wore a cape of Princess Celesita's skin and had a bow tie that was made of Discord's dead body."

"What happened to Spike?"

"I guess he was lunch."

"Huh. I've always wanted to have dragon."

"And that, my friends is how Jack murdered all of My Little Pony."

"That was a great Christmas story, Kreese."

"Like I said, Howard, a great American Classic."

"So, with that, I'm Kreese Kreeley!"

"And I'm Howard "Buckshot" Holmes!"

"And this has been a reading of 'My Little Red Christmas'!"

"And remember, kids! Don't open your Christmas presents early, or Jack will come and murder your whole neighborhood!"

"Maybe even everyone in your town!"

"So, good night to all of you sweet children."

"And MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"

"SOMEONE PLEASE END THIS STORY NOW!"


End file.
